Sunday, May 12, 2013

Expecting to be a MOTHER

Since I was little I had a list of names for my children.

The first names I can remember are Jamie Summers and Steve Austin....hahaha! There was Jasmine (before Aladdin), Natasha and Constantine. Even India and Asia. The only boy name I remember is Jackson, although I know there were others. I probably have them all written down somewhere in my journals because I always expected to be a mother when I grew up.

I lost hope in becoming a mother for a while as I grew older with no decent prospects. But then, like a miracle, I found my Mr. Wright. And being 37....ish we knew we wanted to start a family right a way. We found a nice home with room for those kids but they never came.

Infertility is a difficult thing. And although the doctors said it would never happen, I've heard many many stories of miracles.  And then there are those stories of faith of many women in the scriptures with the same challenges that all ended with children. For a few years I had faith that that miracle would happen. Yet every month I was devastated when it didn't. I was emotionally drained.

Today is Mother's Day and I could be sad...I have no children and my own mom passed away two years ago.  But today, I am happy. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and I love him, I have a terrific family, a loving father, countless memories and learning from my amazing mom and a testimony that I will see her and be with her again. I am not a mother but I get to play one every Wednesday with the neighborhood youth. Life is good!

I do have faith and hope that we will have children. It is possible through adoption...and hopefully that is something we can get working on soon. Life has thrown us a few curve balls we are still working through.

And if I have a chance to name them, my new list starts with Faith and Hope.


Jenn said...

Beautifully written :) Thanks so much for your thoughts & words. Infertility is such a painful game to play & no one will truly understand this game unless they have experienced it themselves. You two are inspiring & I am so glad we have you as our neighbors :) Love you!
~Jenn :)

Gabrielle Kim said...

You are such an amazing woman! I hope that no matter how a child comes into your life I hope you will relieze your dream one day! What a blessed child that would be! I hope my children have amazing leaders like you when they get old enough - your contributions to the youth in our ward (and probably other children) are more meaningful than you might ever know!

Gabrielle Kim said...


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