Sunday, May 12, 2013

Expecting to be a MOTHER

Since I was little I had a list of names for my children.

The first names I can remember are Jamie Summers and Steve Austin....hahaha! There was Jasmine (before Aladdin), Natasha and Constantine. Even India and Asia. The only boy name I remember is Jackson, although I know there were others. I probably have them all written down somewhere in my journals because I always expected to be a mother when I grew up.

I lost hope in becoming a mother for a while as I grew older with no decent prospects. But then, like a miracle, I found my Mr. Wright. And being 37....ish we knew we wanted to start a family right a way. We found a nice home with room for those kids but they never came.

Infertility is a difficult thing. And although the doctors said it would never happen, I've heard many many stories of miracles.  And then there are those stories of faith of many women in the scriptures with the same challenges that all ended with children. For a few years I had faith that that miracle would happen. Yet every month I was devastated when it didn't. I was emotionally drained.

Today is Mother's Day and I could be sad...I have no children and my own mom passed away two years ago.  But today, I am happy. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and I love him, I have a terrific family, a loving father, countless memories and learning from my amazing mom and a testimony that I will see her and be with her again. I am not a mother but I get to play one every Wednesday with the neighborhood youth. Life is good!

I do have faith and hope that we will have children. It is possible through adoption...and hopefully that is something we can get working on soon. Life has thrown us a few curve balls we are still working through.

And if I have a chance to name them, my new list starts with Faith and Hope.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Veteran's Day

I realize that many many many people fought, died and still fight for our country. But this post is about my Dad. My nephew posted a great tribute about my Dad (his Grandpa) on Facebook and I poached part of it because it was so well written.

"He fought in WWII for our country and others around the world.

I have always been fascinated with his generation. They emerged from the dust of the depression, fought for the freedom of many nations, secured the safety and liberty of our citizens and ensured the lasting grandeur...of this blessed and promised country.

He dug fox holes in frozen ground, marched countless miles across Europe, survived bombings and battles that killed all but a few. In his greatness he still, to this day, as only true american heros do, discounts the importants of his role in the war and the history of our nation. He always acknowledges the heros that fought around him but I am sure those heros looked to him for strength and comfort in trying times. HE is my American hero! Without him and his generation America would not be the great country it is today. I hope my generation and those to come can show the prestigious humility and courage that his so naturally did."

I love you Dad and thank you for your great sacrifice for this great country!

Sunday, September 23, 2012


I learned the popular Father Abraham song at girl's camp.  If you know it, feel free to sing along...

Father Abraham had seven sons.
Seven sons had father Abraham.
And he never laughed...wait...what? 


The Bible says that Abraham had eight sons - Ishmael, Isaac, Midian, Jokshan, Shuah, Zimran, Medan and Ishbak. Why does the song say seven?

How can I sing this song? - this will bug me forever!

Friday, September 14, 2012

I will never forget!

We all have moments that are life changing. They can affect us positively or negatively. They can be major events or small private moments. I have a growing list of these moments, moments that have affected my life in some way. My plan is to write about each of them and how they affected me, good or bad. Hopefully, some day, I will get started on this project...but for now, it's just a list.

I call these events pivotal moments. I have also created a second list of pivotal people. Pivotal moments and people are what shape us, guide us and often alter our focus and goals. Some of these pivotal moments are my own personal moments but there are some that involve many people, even the whole nation.

One item on my list is 9/11 and as the anniversary just passed we have all heard and read about people reminiscing about not only that day but the weeks that followed. I believe those of us old enough to remember also review it in our own mind every year. We remember where we were, what we were doing, who we were with and how we felt as we experienced the horror of that event. And we have all been changed in some way because of it.

However, I have found it interesting that my emotions of that day have lessened. One of the moments of great distress for me was seeing people (real people, not stunt doubles) jumping out of the windows. I remember just sobbing uncontrollably. Today it still makes me sad and as I write tears are running down my face, but the emotions have faded even though the details are still so vivid.


I think pivotal people are different least the positive pivotal people. Because with people I have found that details lessen more than the emotions. I wonder if it's because our interaction is not just one moment in time and therefore we have more emotion invested. Some of the details fade away but I don't forget why they are a pivotal person in my life and my love for them only continues to grow.

Naturally, I have been thinking of my mom as she passed away recently. And as details of events with her are not as clear and will continue to slip away with time, her spirit is stronger than ever in my memory. I feel her love and I am a better person because of her presence in my life. I sure miss her. She will always be a part of me.


Mr. Wright and I are blessed to have so many positive pivotal people in our and friends. We thank you all for the tremendous strength and love we have felt and continue to feel from you. Especially during our 4 (almost 5) years of marriage - filled with job losses, deaths of loved ones, health issues, infertility disappointment, etc - but also the happier events like our wedding, moving into our house and so on. We both feel very grateful to have lived our lives, not just these recent years but our whole lives, with WONDERFUL positive pivotal people surrounding us.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Emma Arlene Swanson Jackson ~ October 13,1928 - May 26, 2011

Mom & Dad raised a family of 9 children. Because there is a 21 year age span from the oldest to youngest, a lot of our memories of growing up with Mom are different. We have all had different experiences, but we all learned the same life lessons. This is a collaboration of each of our memories of our mother.


When you thought we weren’t looking…
You sewed our clothes on the treadle sewing machine late at night.
You mopped the kitchen floor on your hands and knees at night after we went to bed.
You weeded our garden & tended our yard in the early mornings.
You ironed & pressed our clothes, EVEN our sheets & pillowcases.
You taught us how to cook and even to sew on that old treadle machine, INCLUDING your sons.
You taught us the value of hard work.

When you thought we weren’t looking…
You made casseroles & brownies for ward members who were in need – through this we developed a preference for the brownie edge pieces that WE were given.
You worked late into the night doing decorations for Relief Society luncheons, helping set them up the night before, taking them down & cleaning up.
We saw you care for others:
-You took care of us after surgeries, coming to our homes to do so… even doing our laundry.
-We watched you thoughtfully care for great Aunt Blanche & Grandma.
You taught us how to give selfless service.

When you thought we weren’t looking…
You amazed us knowing everyone’s schedule without a day planner or blackberry.
Without the conveniences of today, dinner was ready when Dad came home & IMAGINE 9 kids without disposable diapers.
We saw you time Thanksgiving dinner, for so many, perfectly.
You knew all of our likes & dislikes and always remembered our favorites.
You taught us to pay attention to detail.

When you thought we weren’t looking…
You offered great wisdom & advice to us when we needed it.
You told us not to say things that were not nice, but listened anyway.
You said many times, “If you haven’t tried it, don’t knock it.” So you have to taste everything at least once.
We watched you turn the other cheek and never hold a grudge.
We learned not ALL inappropriate language consisted only of swear words.
You showed us to be grateful for what we have
You chose to be happy.
You taught by being a great example.

When you thought we weren’t looking…
We saw you pass the rolls at dinner… TOSSING one across the table.
We noticed the extra care you took to beautifully wrap our presents.
You relaxed at the end of the day by reading the paper & drinking your Pepsi in the living room, STARTING to watch Perry Mason or playing solitaire.
We enjoyed our holiday celebrations: the decorations, the dishes & special treats. We even celebrated St Patrick’s Day. You got us time and time again for April Fool’s . You made holidays fun.
You had the patience to teach even the grandkids how to enjoy playing cards and games.
We saw you in the stands at our track meets, ball games, concerts & dance recitals.
When we played Pinochle, we didn’t buy into your surprised expression as you laid down a double Pinchole.
We caught you, in your 60’s, on roller blades & in the living room doing cart wheels.
We heard you humming and singing, you hummed as you worked & you taught us many songs… we know “MARES EAT OATS”… and akiddlyivytoo.
We recognized your love for dancing… in the living room with Dad or after our Thanksgiving dinner.
You taught us how to have fun.

When you thought we weren’t looking…
You made sure that everything was equal, yet at the same time individual.
You remembered each or your grandchildren & great grandchildren with cards & gifts.
You always waited up at night until all of us were home, and didn’t get mad even when the police brought some of THEM home.
You made us feel like we were each your favorite child or grandchild, without making us jealous of the time you spent with the other kids.
You taught us the example of temple attendance. When Dad would get home from work you were dressed and ready to leave for the temple.
We caught you and Dad, many times, holding each other’s hand tenderly.
We felt your love for each of us.

When you thought we weren’t looking…
You sacrificed your NEEDS, a new dress, a pair of shoes, for the WANTS of your children. You showed us how to be selfless.
We saw your pain in your physical ailments and knew you were sacrificing for us to have you just a little longer.
You endured many difficult trials, for your family, with courage, dignity & strength. You truly endured to the end.
We love you Mom!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

like clockwork

There are three things I can count on every February.

Valentine's Day

Our Anniversary

& Mr. Wright getting sick.

These three things come like clockwork ever since our wedding day.
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